What this shows is that not only are you weak, but you aren’t prepared mentally to take on the challenge.

When you don’t cope well when facing a difficult challenge or challenges in your life, you end up with a lot to lose.

Here is a list of dangers of not coping with adversity:

You Run the Risk of Becoming Depressed

The National Network of Depression Centres has stated that one in five Americans will be affected by depression in their lifetime.

This psychological problem, which also includes anxiety, is one of the leading mental problems in the world today.

This really should be too shocking as our world is full of potentially mentally damaging circumstances.

If you are not strong enough to weather stormy days, you run the risk of plunging into depression.

On a side note, depression is not the same as those brief moments of sadness. We can all experience this when an unpleasant situation occurs in our daily activities.

Depression is actually the intensity of the situation and the length of time one is feeling this way.

People who suffer from depression will experience intense feelings of sadness. This feeling can take up a significant part of their day.

As well it can last for many days, weeks, or even months.

One of the significant signs of depression is becoming socially withdrawn. This is a situation where people prefer to stay indoors and sleep for long periods of time.

They tend to ignore their responsibilities, family, and friends.

We all have occasional bouts of wanting to be alone. It becomes a problem when that is all we want to do.

It is important to talk to a therapist if you are feeling like your depression is not just an occasional bout of sadness.

You Can Lose Your Self-Confidence

If you don’t believe in yourself, how is anyone else going to believe in you?

You will find that it is very rare that people will give responsibility to people who don’t believe they have what it takes to succeed.

Mostly it is because there is no other person that can be trusted to take on the responsibility.

When you allow challenges to overwhelm you, your confidence will be destroyed.

Unfortunately, you get used to giving excuses for your failures. In fact, you probably should have said it beforehand that you will be unable to succeed at the task.

As a result, when you fail, you will only remind your detractors that you already predicted your failure.

Yes, it is alright to have a realistic assessment of your abilities. However, the truth is that there are times when you will never know what you could have done if only you made an attempt.

Therefore it is a good idea to test your ability to solve a problem. Only you need to do is to try.

There are many people who have stumbled on the solution to a problem because they made an attempt.

Such people make their own luck. Remember the saying: luck favors the bold.

You might want to consider approaching a situation like someone who has nothing to lose. If you fail, you will have learned a lesson.

You Have a Loss of Trust

In order to have people trust you, you are going to need to start facing your challenges. As well, you will need to find ways of coping with adversity.

If you have a history of giving up when the going gets tough, no one is going to be able to trust you.

This is a problem. As well it is limiting when it comes to you seeking leadership positions.

Certainly one of the many attributes of a leader is the ability to be able to solve problems.

No one is going to remember the leader who went into hiding when challenges came up.

If you are looking to become that person others can trust during challenges, you are going to need to cope well with adversity.

It is important to remember that you can’t give what you don’t have.

In fact, it is when you are able to solve your own problems that you can help other people solve theirs.

Letting Fear Get in the Way

Fear is just part of being human. In fact, fear is why we take our security seriously. It is also the reason for regular medical check-ups.

It is important that we protect ourselves from crime or damage to our health.

However, fear becomes a problem when we let it overwhelm us and let it prevent us from making the best out of our life.

When challenges show up and we decided to run away from them, we become a slave to that fear.

You may become afraid of failing or you don’t want people to criticize or blame you.

As a result, we end up giving excuses for those fears.

You might try to call it being realistic. However, that is not really the truth.

If you don’t know how to deal with a challenge it is a better idea to learn from people who have conquered a similar issue.

Having to Live with Shame

You will end up having to live with shame and guilt for the rest of your life if you back down from dealing with issues.

It will even get worse for you when you are confronted with other people’s success when it comes to overcoming challenges.

You probably don’t want to have to deal with failure in your life just because you were afraid to take a bold step.

In the end, you will have to live with the shame of knowing you might have overcome the challenge if only you had tried.

Who knows what you might have accomplished if you had the mental strength of making the best of bad situations.

Now is the time to stop making excuses for things you can’t change and start working on ways of coping with adversity.

As you get old you are probably going to wish you had stepped up. You don’t have to remember your failure with shame and regrets in later years.

The Need For Acceptance Will Make You Invisible – Jim Carrey – Video:

There are lots of people who have taught themselves through determination to not give excuses for their failures.

At the end of the day, you are responsible for whatever you accomplish in life.

When you lack the resilience to overcome errors of judgment and instead blame others or circumstances for your predicaments, you fail.

When you take responsibility for coping with adversity, you may find that the lessons you learned lead you to more success.

The post Dangers of Not Coping with Adversity appeared first on Create the Best Life.

Sometimes it can seem like our biggest obstacle in the world is ourselves.

We are good at derailing ourselves, especially when we are feeling unsure, stressed out, or as though we are just not up to the task.

Our self-doubts and perceived inadequacies become our greatest challenge.

The next thing we know, we are avoiding living our lives or getting things done.

Why We Use Avoidance

When we find ourselves using avoidance as a way to cope instead of facing the issue, we become more stressed.

We are susceptible to avoiding challenges because we think that we are actually trying to take care of ourselves in a stressful situation.

Unfortunately, that is not the case. We just end up more anxious and stressed.

Methods to Stop Avoidance in its Tracks

We all avoid things once in a while. It’s pretty normal, especially if we’re burned out, tired, or feel unsure about what we need to do next.

Sometimes though, it can be hard to get started again once you stop. Thankfully, some surefire techniques will stop avoidance in its tracks.

Start Small

The more you sit worrying about how big a project is, the less likely you will do it. The main thing is to focus on what the next step is.

What is the one thing you can be doing right now which will move you toward your goal? Once you have decided on this step, it’s just a matter of doing it.

Yes, this is easier said than done, especially if you’ve been putting this off for a while. Remember, you can always warm up to a task.

The nice thing? Once you get in motion, you are more likely to stay in motion. It’s just a matter of getting started.

Break it Up

Many times we start because the problem seems too large. The next step is enormous.

When this happens, take a few minutes to create a list of action steps to take you where you need to go.

Now, armed with this list, focus on the next task. Make the steps as small as you need to to feel like you have a handle on things.

There is nothing wrong with taking baby steps.

Take a Break

Sometimes, the opposite of the situation is true. If starting seems impossible because you are too tired, burned out, or need a break, it might be time to take a step back.

Allow yourself fifteen minutes to do something relaxing. Don’t get caught up in other work, though.

It would be better to take a walk, get some fresh air, or close your eyes and meditate for a little bit for the best results.

Remember the Dream

We are most productive when we understand what we’re doing and why we are doing it.

Anytime we are unsure, we are less likely to make progress.

What is the eventual goal? How does this action link with your goal?

Find a Reward

Whenever you need to get through something distasteful, remind yourself how good it will feel to be done.

If satisfaction isn’t enough, there’s a lot to be said for good old-fashioned bribery.

What’s a small treat you can give yourself for finishing this project?

Some Thoughts:

Using these methods, you should be able to stop avoidance in its tracks. No matter what, once you start, keep going.

Avoidance has a way of doubling back on you if you’re not careful. And that is no way to improve your life.

Things You Can Do When You’re Using Avoidance

Perhaps it has been one of those days. One thing after another has cropped up, each one more demanding than the last.

Between work, family responsibilities, and social obligation, you feel as though you’re slowly being crushed and having to do a mountain of tasks.

What do you do?

If you’re like most people, you start avoiding things.

The problem is, the more things pile up, the more overwhelmed you feel until soon you’ve shut down completely.

Now you are avoiding everything, and nothing is getting done.

How do you get out of this?

Know the Signs

Your body will tell you when you’re reaching the shutdown point.

This point is where your muscles seem tight, your head hurts, your stomach aches, and you start snapping at everyone around you.

The moment you notice these signs, it’s time to take a step back and reassess the situation before you head down the path to avoidance.

Quit Trying to Predict the Future

When we become overwhelmed, we start creating three negative outcomes in our minds.

Here’s where we assume every conversation is going to go wrong.

We expect every project to fail. It’s no wonder we shut down.

Again, here is where you need to step back and ask yourself what is the more realistic expectation?

It’s probably not going to be as bad as you think.

If you need to, remind yourself of similar disaster predictions you’ve made in the past, which never wound up happening.

Break it Down

When overwhelmed, everything seems like too much work, so you start avoiding anything requiring action.

This is why you need to start tackling things in very small steps.

Small steps will always feel more doable than large ones.

It’s also easier to keep your focus in stressful times when you’re keeping your eyes firmly on only what’s in front of you.

Take Action

The more you worry about things you need to be doing, the bigger they will grow in your mind. Instead, don’t give yourself time to think.

Jump right in and get done what needs to be done.

Now it’s out of the way, and you don’t have to think about it anymore.

Own Up

Even if the pending disaster does manifest, it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.

Rather than avoid the outcome, face up to it.

It’s easier to apologize if you need to.

Embrace the lessons to be learned rather than running away forever, thinking you’re a failure.

The Psychology of Avoidance & Safety Behaviour in Anxiety Video:

It can be hard to remember all these things when you’re overwhelmed, so above all, remember this: Go easy on yourself.

If you do your best and keep moving forward, things will always work out in the end especially if you can stop using avoidance.

The post How to Stop Using Avoidance to Cope with Stress appeared first on Create the Best Life.

This makes it all the more confusing when we find it so easy to lie to ourselves.

You might have bristled at this thought, huffed, and thought, “I do no such thing!”

The nine lies listed below are common lies we tell ourselves as a way of avoiding important issues and thus not being able to create the best life for ourselves. Sometimes they are harmless, but often they hold us back from reaching our goals. These lies can hold us back from having the life we desire.

I’ll Get to It Eventually

How many times have you told yourself this, then failed to “get to it”? If you are like most of us, plenty of times!

It is much better to set a specific deadline for all of your tasks. Alternatively, you could just do it now and be done with it.

I Can’t Escape my Past

Many of us have skeletons in our closets, or if not, the trauma that we never properly dealt with.

The reality is you can get over your past. Your past doesn’t define you.

You might have to work a little harder or work on yourself, but you can get past your past.

There is Something Wrong With Me

Have you ever felt like such a failure that you assume there must be something wrong with you?

This is a powerful lie that can hold you back from even trying to accomplish your goals. This is a lie we use as a way of avoiding important issues.

Whether you are different, struggling, or even failing, that is the circumstance. That isn’t who you inherently are as a person.

I Know Exactly What I am Doing

Having self-confidence is a powerful tool in your arsenal. Sometimes it even helps to fake confidence!

That said, we need to be careful not to go overboard.

There is nothing wrong with being honest that you need some help.

There is strength in asking if you don’t know what you are doing.

I Would be Happy If Only…

I know it’s easy to focus on what you want or think you need for happiness, but it rarely works out that way.

Even if you acquire what you think you need to be happy, you will just move the goalposts further and think about something else.

You need to figure out how to be happier on your terms.

I am Too Busy to…

While this is true sometimes, and especially true for people who are working and raising a family, a lot of the time, it isn’t.

Downtime is important, but almost all of us waste time in some fashion. It is just another lie so that we are able to continue avoiding important issues.

Take an honest appraisal of your day, and you will likely find some extra time to spare.

I Can Change Him or Her

I bet a couple of you are nodding in agreement about this one!

Many of us have this moment where we meet someone we like, but they are toxic to be around.

You think that with enough love and caring, you can change this person.

We always find out that we can’t. It isn’t even our job to try and change someone else. That’s on them.

I’m Too Old To…

I heard a 25-year-old the other day say they were too old to do something. I had never felt older.

The reality is, we can still do almost anything we want as we age.

It’s never too late to go back to school or change careers. In fact it is not too late to take chances.

It’s never too late for you to try and live the life you dream about.

I’m a Failure

While all of us will deal with failure at one time, that does not make us failures.

Failure is something we deal with; it isn’t something we are.

If you feel like a born loser that always fails, try to focus on your wins.

We all have some wins in our lives, no matter how small they may seem.

Also, failing is good – it is the best way to learn about yourself.

Here are Some Actionable Steps:

• Read over the list of lies we tell ourselves and figure out if you use any of them. Pay special attention to any lies you might use regularly.
• Take a sheet of paper, and mark a line down the center from top to bottom. On the left-hand side, write down the lies you tell yourself. Feel free to add any other lies we may have missed as well.
• On the right-hand side of the paper, counter each of those lies. Either write down reasons they aren’t true or the steps you can take to ensure they aren’t true.

Escapism vs. Avoidance Video:

Here are some books to read if you want to learn more about avoidance:

Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception

The Lies We Tell Ourselves: Face the Truth, Accept Yourself

Vital Lies, Simple Truths: The Psychology of Self-Deception 

The Lies We Tell Ourselves: Vulnerability as a Tool

I’m Special: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

Final Thoughts:

Whenever you need to get through something undesirable, remind yourself how good it will feel to complete the task.

If satisfaction isn’t enough, there is a lot to be said for good old-fashioned bribery.

What would be a small treat you could give yourself for finishing the task? This is a helpful tip to stop avoiding important issues.

The post How To Stop Avoiding Important Issues appeared first on Create the Best Life.